I know that my Deviantart account has lay here sleeping and inactive for quite sometime but I think that is because I am going through a lot of conflicting feelings and am being distracted by many many things.

Sam, I know you've waited long and hard for me to post something but I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon (your response: oh you suck liv! but... its just the way it is.)

I have been going through somewhat of a dry spell. On one hand I don't want to create art because my latest attempts have all led me to be the one thing I never want to be: a depressed creative type. All my attempts to remain positive have ended dismally in over analysation of my thoughts and what has gone wrong etc etc. On the other hand I feel guilty for not giving myself enough time and thought to create something good. Art takes up a lot of my energy and I think if I were to continue with art, I would not be able to do other things I love. (I'm so melodramatic, I'm sorry!!!)

I just think I need a break from this stuff.

Creating art is about proclaimed self expression. I don't really feel I have anything to proclaim... except that I'm a teenage girl who doesn't yet know who she is, or where she is going. I don't want to remind myself that I am confused about where I am over and over again, which is all I feel I can do right now, art-wise. I know that I don't know, if you get my drift. So now I have to figure it out.

I need to play on my strengths. To do that I must figure out what my strengths are. I need to choose my strengths. Art has always been something I am good at, but it has its implications for me and I have my problems and pet hates with it. I'm not choosing it. As of next session I am no longer doing art at school, and unless I feel I really want to, I'm not really going to take out any special time for art at home (not that I don't love it anymore... I do, with all my heart, I adore it!). I guess I'm just sick of being a jack of all trades, master of none because I don't focus and am indecisive on what I want.

I don't want you to think I'm unhappy or anything, but I know I will be if I keep beating myself up about not making good art, not spending enough time etc. I'm thinking of this as a practical step to take and I'll be back posting again maybe later on.

So yeah, I'm keeping my deviant art account and I might post here very occasionally. But thanks everyone who was supportive of me, I really appreciate it. Sincerely.

x Lisa

P.S If you can't find my livejournal it is because I deleted it, but I think I will make a new one soon when I'm ready.